Weekend Pun Fix: A Dog Problem

Back in 19^th century Munich, the citizens were faced with an unusual problem. The city’s dog population was rising alarmingly, and it was not just little dachshunds, but really big, fearsome hounds. People were afraid to venture out onto the streets for fear of being attacked by packs of hounds.

Eventually, with the help of the army and the police force, the people managed to drive the dogs out of the city and into the surrounding mountains. But soon, the dogs became hungry and descended in great numbers upon the neighboring town of Lieblaten, Germany’s leading paper manufacturer and a place where the paper mills were a major source of employment for its citizens.

When the dogs started breaking into shops for food, the people of Lieblaten fled to Munich to complain. As all the townspeople evacuated their homes, they heard a strange noise coming from the paper mills. Who could be running them?

Then an old man, blessed with the wisdom of age, explained: “The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich.”

Enjoy your weekend, Everybody!

Weekend Pun Fix: The Pun Contest

A man who specialized in puns thought he had an outstanding chance of winning a pun contest run by his local newspaper. He sent the newspaper no fewer than ten different entries in the hope that one of them might win the contest.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Have a great weekend, Everybody!

(By the way, if you enjoy this kind of humor, feel free to follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ericgwin)

Fun with Scientific Data

Somebody sent this to me earlier this week. I thought this was very clever and really funny, too, so I figured it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

In the beginning the metric to English units conversions are a challenge,
but for advanced students there is an extended list of units and conversion
factors available online
 
1.     Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2.    2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3.    1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4.    Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5.     Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

6.     Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knotfurlong

7.     16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

8.     Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

9.     1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

10.     Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

11.     Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line

12.     453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

13.    1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

14.     2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

15.     365.25 days = 1 unicycle

16.     2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

17.     52 cards = 1 decacard

18.     1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

19.     1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

20.     1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

21.     1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

22.     10 rations = 1 decoration

23.     100 rations = 1 C-ration

24.     2 monograms = 1 diagram

25.    4 nickels = 2 paradigms

26.     2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV  League

27.     100 Senators = Not 1 decision

Do You Ever Feel Out of Place?

In my over 20 years of songwriting, I’ve written many songs that were very personal. There have been songs written for my daughters (“Little Angel” and “Still A Child”), many love songs for my wife (“I Belong to You” and “Alive”), songs expressing my frustrations (“The Real World” and “God’s Children”), songs about lost loved ones (“A Better Place”), and songs expressing my faith (“The Light” and “The River”).

Often, a songwriter feels the need to express himself or herself as someone on the outside looking in, almost like a narrator for a story. When songs are written from that standpoint, it’s easy for the songwriter to disconnect from the subject matter and not make it personal. After all, we want to look like we’ve got it all together, right?

A few years back, while in the process of writing songs for my most recent album, “Frame of Mind”, I hit an emotional wall that sent me into a very deep depression. At the time, I was having doubts about my musical output and my creativity. I was also dealing with all sorts of personal issues within my family, most notably, the death of both of my Grandparents within a year and a half of each other. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere, and that nobody really cared. It was a very dark period of time for me.

I am glad to say now that I got past that depression that I felt and things are much better, but there was a time when I really had no idea what was wrong with me or how to fix it. I wrote some lyrics at probably the lowest point during that period, which became the song, “Out of Place”. Writing those words down is what really started me moving in the right direction again. Sometimes the best therapy is to just let your feelings out.

Depression is a real thing. It is not something that you can just “get over”. It is a demon that grabs you and doesn’t let go until damage is done. It tries to drag you down to a place that you would never voluntarily go, and it can happen to ANYBODY!

It seems like there are a lot of people in my life these days that are feeling just this way. Maybe YOU are feeling this way.  If so, I feel the need to share this song with you now. Check it out:

The Lyrics:

In a matter of speaking, I find myself

at a loss for words for how I feel.

So now I’m reaching within myself

to try to distinguish what is real.

What is this place I’ve been drawn to?

Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

Please help me find within this world

the place where I belong.

 

CHORUS 1: What can I do to make things right?

Is there part of me that I need to replace?

I’m trying my best to keep you in sight,

but it takes all I have to see your face.

 

Your perception, when you look at me

may on the surface show something clean.

But a deception is what you see.

These things are seldom what they seem.

Why can’t I show you who I am?

Why can’t I let you see where I stand?

Please help me find within this world

the place where I belong.

 

CHORUS 2: All by myself, I won’t win this fight.

It can only lead me to disgrace.

I don’t want to be alone in the light.

I don’t like to feel so out of place.

 

It’s all so hard

and I’m so tired

Don’t know if I can break away

I can’t make it on my own

 

Please, can you help me break these chains?

I need relief from these silent pains.

Please help me find within this world

the place where I belong.

 

 CHORUSES

 

Through this song and these lyrics, I want you to realize that I struggle too. If you feel out of place in your life, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We all go through dark times, and in order to get past them, you’ve got to have faith in the fact that there is someone out there who knows what you’re going through and can bring you through it. It’s on the other side of these dark times that you will find strength and comfort.

 By the way, if you ever feel this way and need to talk about it, I’m right here.

A Little Pun to Get You Through the Weekend

If you follow me on Twitter, or you’re my friend on Facebook, you know that I am a big fan of puns. In fact, I try to post a pun via Twitter or Facebook every weekday at around 1:30PM (Central Time) just to keep people entertained. My view is: We ALL need a laugh from time to time.

Well, the feedback to my little daily excursion into the world of puns has been very positive. So positive, in fact, that people are now emailing puns to me on a daily basis (I love it, by the way, so keep ‘em coming!).

Some of these puns will make their way to my Twitter or Facebook very soon. Others, however, are way too long for Twitter. So, for those of you who are in need of a “pun fix” for the weekend, I’m going to begin posting these longer puns weekly (every Saturday) here on the blog.

Here’s your first one. Enjoy!

A group of chess enthusiasts were waiting to check into a hotel and were discussing their recent tournament victories in the lobby. After an hour, the manager of the hotel came out of his office and asked them to leave.

 Clearly bothered by his request, the chess enthusiasts protested, “But why?”

“Because, “ he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Have a great weekend, Everybody!

(By the way, if you enjoy this kind of humor, feel free to follow me on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ericgwin)

 

A Loss for Words

I’ve never really had trouble talking. Anyone who knows me knows that I usually have something to say. Kind of makes me wonder why so many people put up with me, but hey… that’s a topic for another time!

Truth is: words have never failed me. I’ve been writing songs since 1989 and, believe it or not, I’ve never experienced a case of “writer’s block”. NEVER! This fact is actually one of the main reasons I started this blog. I felt like I had a lot to say about a lot of different things. I’m always looking for ways to express myself beyond the few minutes that make up a song, so I figured that a blog would be a great avenue for this.

There’s only one problem: For the first time ever, I’m not sure what to say.

It’s not that I don’t have any ideas. There are all sorts of things that I want to share. I set out to make this blog about the subject of creativity, about how art influences life, and how you and I can embrace our God-given creative gifts to make this world a better place. Unfortunately, I’m having trouble expressing these things. I have plenty of things to say, but I’m not sure how to say them. What I need is for some outside stimulation of ideas… a little feedback to get the creative juices flowing.

This is where you come in. Yes… YOU!

I want this blog to be interactive. If it’s not, then I’m just talking to myself. I want to know what you think. What is it that gets YOUR creative juices flowing? What are YOUR views of different art forms, like music, film, literature, painting, photography, etc?

I’m glad to tell you about my interests, but what are YOURS?

My primary goal for 2012 is to connect with more people. Connectivity requires INTERACTION. I want to hear from you! Please comment and give me your feedback!

The Importance of Being Relevant

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Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to sing at a really big a cappella event in North Alabama. There were singers, singing groups, songwriters, and artists from all over the country there, and the whole thing was a … Continue reading →